Those wavy kind of hair
That quiet behaviour
Those overlapping teeth
Still smile being perfectly fit
Her tucking hair often behind her ear
Trying to know her name with fear
Forever a happy last bencher student
That time my seat got changed
I chose the seat just back of her
So the smoke between us could clear
The leisure period being a source of talk
Me being a shy guy chose rather to stalk
Soon she accepted my friend request
Which added my life some zest
Sharing notes and smiles in class
Casual hellos and chats clear as glass
Birthdays turned exciting day
Her was awaited one, mine was okay
Bought gift but couldn’t give it
The entire class went out so we two could sit
Just handing her gift was scary thing
Hands became shaky and I started stammering
How tough is it to say ‘happy birthday’ with a smile?
Hardly I managed to talk for a little while
Slowly we exchanged the gaze in corridors and halls
The relationship now reached to phone calls
I would talk stupid stuffs so she would correct me
But my class activities made her say ‘u are smartest person one can be’
Do you think I could sleep that night?
I felt all things were turning to be right
She was mostly with her girls around
But she was the one whose persona I found really profound
Once we had a wonderful walk leaving them all
I realised she was so small and I looked freakishly tall
We were talking, taking the slowest steps
Otherwise moving towards home was next
Then a dog came running towards her
She grabbed my shirt and leaned on me because of fear
I was that day year old when I felt butterfly
She quickly left my shirt feeling sorry and shy
We got more comfortable since then
Oh dear! I could not just be her friend
Her grace had made my mind capture
I started caring and falling for her
I could never say her about it
I decided to tell her on our next meet
But we never went out on date
So I thought messaging was fine than being late
Edited message million times, didn’t wanna sound so common
Still scared, I could be frowned upon
U know what’s tough thing to have done
Typing a proposal and pressing the send button
The horrible wait for her reply oh!
Those hundred replies of her which meant ‘no’
I was the smartest
Most caring one and the best
Any girl would be lucky to have me
Why not u? Why that lucky one u can’t be?
I felt how it would be to be differently able
For I could be best but still unacceptable
Their castes and culture
Her family had valued better
Since she respected her family and their way
She could give up her happiness without having her say
That is so thoughtful
But the silence, the sacrifice is not cool
I was broken from within
Being punished for uncommitted sin
I tried making her stand for herself
That thought had stuck in her, I couldn’t help
Casual friends? Yeah! friendship shouldn’t ruin
She still called me lazy and I still saved her number as queen
She cared about me, she liked me
And I had to make my peace coz may be it wasn’t meant to be
We went different ways for career of our own
We barely talked like once in blue moon
She valued me for sure
But not standing for it does no cure
I believed I could change it when I earn
Love will be respected and tables will turn
I proposed her the second time
She still said decision is not mine
She would be happy to have me in her life
But she will just have to be somebody’s wife
That is so sad to hear from her
I loved her and wanted her to be my life partner
Some years passed by just on casual hellos
I move out of country since study was on flow
Struggling with new city and new people phase
We became distant, only wishing on birthdays
One fine day, I find out she got married to a man
And I was just a boy with a plan
Her marriage pictures took me to shock
I felt like I lost my clock
Time went the other way and I paused
Because my dreams had tossed
I felt heart broken, I felt alone
But it was just a stupid zone
I knew I would never have her
But I felt some part of me left me forever
My dream shattered of having this relation to rejoice
Her friend calls to give me her message, ‘she had no choice’
I hung up the call
Hit my head with both my hands because I felt like I lost my girl
Tears were dripping off my eyes
Since that call was like official goodbye
Goodbyes are hard to accept
Specially when it’s via some person and not herself
I have no idea if she ever had a chance
But she should have stood up for her feelings for once
I had a lot of questions in mind
How marrying before being able for herself was fine?
Why she made a choice not to have a choice?
How long is she going to be okay with no voice?
Why was she always caring and warm?
How am I not supposed to loose my calm?
I felt extremely vulnerable
The situation at that time felt unrecoverable
I had to come back to being me
Destiny had it’s say and I couldn’t disagree
Even after her marriage, we met whenever she called
I was always delirious, idiot I was
Since I care about her
I didn’t wanna hurt her,
Showering all those questions on her
I would rather leave them unanswered
This birthday she called me on a cafe with surprise
She also had to compromise so I better be wise
I rode her home listening to her
It was dusk, she seemed to enjoy the weather
Riding on street lights made her happier
Because this was what she had always wished for
I felt delighted and complete that day
Exchanged smiles and gazing eyes had done its play
She is still loved and adored
But now I love myself more
Some things are clear, some are still blur
Things won’t come your way as you wish for
It’s okay to have unanswered questions
Since I have found solace in such imperfections
My solace in those imperfections.
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